Surreal Christmas

I had four, fun-filled days with my family in Colorado for the holidays. So nice to be home, but it was a funny, sometimes surreal experience for a number of reasons:

• I made it home despite three feet of snow and a couple days of airport closings. I was the first flight to make it from NY to Denver after the big storm!
• My sister and her husband were like the model couple the entire time -- no fighting, no arguing, no yelling, no cursing, nothing! If you know them (or have heard some of the many endlessly entertaining stories about them), you understand why this is so odd. I know the reason behind it, but don't feel at liberty to share on this blog... But along with being refreshing, it left me a little dazed as well.....But as one of the beneficiaries of her husband's new found patience and kindness, I couldn't complain!
• Someone got kicked out of my grandparents' (dad's side) house for drinking too much! (See previous post about one of my favorite holiday traditions -- strong jack and cokes at my grandparents' basement bar -- and you will know why this is so strange!).
• Grandparents have about 1500 squ ft. house -- 900 squ ft upstairs, 600 downstairs. If you have ever wondered if you could fit 88 people into a 600 squ ft space, you question has been answered. 88 people in the basement during the gift exchanges. Thereafter, many of us escaped upstairs where it was about 35 degrees cooler.
• Male cousin, mom's side of family, told another female cousin, same side of family, that she had "thunder thighs" -- thinking it was a compliment. I informed him, on her behalf, that the fact he is gay is no excuse for such a mistake.
• Same male cousin also told his mom that she has "ham hocks" for thighs. I informed him that, again, this is just not something you say to a woman, related to you or not, joking or not, whether it is true or not. For good measure, I also let him know why don't call a woman "chunky" "beefy" "monstrous" "flabby" etc...or say things like "you aren't that big," "you aren't that ugly," "it doesn't look that bad." And, I guess in his defense, he was joking, and everyone laughed, including those to whom the comments were targeted (at the time.....my female cousin later asked her sister if she was "really big" right now, and I know my aunt's feelings were a bit wounded, as she is trying to lose weight), and it is the nature of my family to show affection by teasing and he is a really kind-hearted person....but STILL:)
• Same male cousin told us that he had to dispose of all his toiletries at the airport because he tried to carry on and didn't follow the rules. His plea for sympathy to the airport security, "But this is expensive Henri Bendel eye cream..." Um, again informed him, that the way to make friends or charm the under-paid airport security is not to cry that your toiletries are from Henri Bendel's 5th Avenue store. CHECK YOUR LUGGAGE IN or buy 3 ounce bottles, put them in the right size baggie. As ridiculous as the rules are....that's the deal.
• Male cousin on my dad's side who has a perverse sense of entitlement and ego actually apologized to one of my brothers - who in many ways is like the black sheep of the family, or at least the butt of many jokes despite his generous and good-natured heart - for a lie that my cousin told his wife about 3 years ago that made my cousin's wife act wickedly mean and bitchy to my brother for the past 3 years. This led to my brother and that cousin laughing throughout the night, and my cousin's wife treating my brother like her best friend. Again, left me a little befuddled. But still don't particularly like that cousin or his wife.
• Speaking of that male cousin, we also found out that his conversion to Born Again Christian about 3 years ago (I guess right after he told the lie about my brother) coincided with him coming home from a hockey game early to find his wife (same wife) in bed with his best friend. Alas, after she begged for forgiveness, they stayed together. I am a believer that infidelity doesn't have to be the end of things - but the hard thing is that usually infidelity is paired with other problems that cumulatively make it hard to keep going. In any event, in this case, as his wife offers little or nothing to the relationship (she married him for his money - he inherited money and a successful business from his mom's side of the family, who was the first wife of my uncle who then got married again, and the second time also ended in divorce after he took a fire truck on a joy ride (while drunk - he was a fireman) and ran into a woman's living room, and then started dating that woman. But I digress. She married him for his money adn told him, "If I don't have [such and such] by the time I am 32, I am leaving." Um, leaving her after she cheated would have been the better choice.
• Also found out that my youngest uncles on that side has had 3 affairs. One known by my sister for 5 years, but she kept the secret after running into him and the woman at breakfast one day.
• Ah, also found out another uncle, dad's side of family, also had an affair and had been sleeping in my grandparents' for the past month but is now back at home with wife and four kids. Actually, that is an instance where I do believe that infidelity is forgiveable and doesn't have to end their marriage.
• My parents (or, my mom would say, my dad) bought my 2 1/2 year old nephew too many gifts, including a miniature "hummer" that he could drive (it goes up to 5 miles per hour). The thanks my dad got? Being run over and pushed into a 3 foot snow pile with the hummer while my nephew drove in reverse. Classic.
• My parents gave each of their kids 3 or 4 gifts, my sister got a few more from her husband, and I gave each person in my family a small gift that I got from work (in addition to our gift exchange on Christmas Eve). My nephews Riley and Brady collectively got about 30 gifts each (see note above about "too many gifts"). Of course, Brady is a baby, so didn't open any....We thought Riley would open most of them for both of them. Um, no. He stopped after he came down the stairs and saw Scoop and Bob the Builder. No interest in the other gifts until after they were opened. We opened them for him. Took turns -- if it was from me, then my sister opened it so someone would be surprised. From my sister, her husband, or "Santa," I opened them. We took turns opening those from my parents or other family members. Interesting to note - it is still very very fun to open a gift even if it is not yours! We all agreed:)
• Found out my brother (the black-sheep) almost converted to Mormonism at the end of high school. Nothing wrong with that. Just funny if you know either of my brothers - who both would hide in the bushes rather than go into CCD or cathecism classes when we were growing up, neither of who are remotely religious (probably even less so than me - and i have strong disbeliefs in any church, though i guess they might possibly be spiritual), and who could never refrain from some of the many things (caffeine, alcohol, smoking) that the tenants of the religion ask its members to refrain from...not that all members do, but still....). But funny part was hearing my dad say, so non-chalantly - "Oh, that is when you were going to be a Mormon," and my brother respond, "Yeah," and then they go on talking like nothing funny was said. It might be one where you had to be there, but it was funny. Or maybe it was just funny to me since I have some strong opinions about joining different churches and/or religions.....to me, it warranted more of a conversation! But, as my dad correctly pointed out, "He was in high school. I thought, hell, if he wants to become Mormon, there are so many worse things he could want to become. He just wanted to join a church that all his friends - none of whom drank or smoke or had (too much) sex -- belonged to. It was a good thing." And that, including the parenthetical, is a direct quote:)
• Joined my sister at her in-laws Christmas celebration.....where she had cosmos that were made (we later found out) with cranberry juice that was five years old. No wonder it tasted like grapefuit juice!
• Lastly, I had confided in my sister about one of the most private of private things you can confide in someone. And she is a good secret keeper. A really good one. (See note about youngest uncle above). Did this last? No. At the Christmas celebration for her in-laws, explained above, we were at the dinner table with her husband, his dad and step dad, his sister and brother in law, and.....she blurts it out to everyone. So my biz (or, i should say, my husband's biz....if it didn't have to do with him, I might share, but it is really not that interesting)....public knowledge to her in-laws:) She is no longer allowed to have cosmos!!! Or at least cosmo's with five year old cranberry juice:)

So much more...but that is enough for now. It was a wonderful trip. I'll share pics when someone sends me some (in my fear that my flight would be cancelled, and the "logical" decision that the earlier i got to the airpor the less chance of cancellation there was, i forgot my camera).

Chicken Fajitas and Friends and Seven Jeans

So Mieke and Jeremy arrived from Morocco last night. It was soooooo good to see them both! We just hung out, ordered Thai, and caught up not just on their world travels, but life....I love having them with us. It is like having family - there is no pre-tense, no production, just hanging out.

Tonight they are cooking Derek and I some chicken fajitas. I so wish I could go home right now and enjoy the dinner earlier rather than later. But, it is my company "holiday party" tonight. Luckily, I just have to make a quick appearance and don't have to stay. Not that it wouldn't be fun...but it wouldn't be that fun. It is just for employees, no family, no spouses. So you can imagine how the story goes. Some chit chat that inevitably leads to work. We are here for more than 8 hours a day already, so one can only talk about work so much. But in any event, then I get to go home and hang out and have chicken fajitas with friends. What could be better? I'd prefer to actually work out before such a good meal, but I guess the holiday season doesn't always allow that. And I wasn't willing to get myself out of bed any earlier than I had to this morning....

On another note, my Seven Jeans are fading. They are almost to the point of no-return. I bought them in May 2003, and estimate that I have worn them at least 800 times. So, despite my panic attack at how much I was paying for them at the time, this gives me an incredible per-wear cost. Honestly, when I say that I have worn them 800 times, I underestimate. I LOVE this jeans, and they still look so good on me. The little hole that appeared in the inside portion of the top of my right leg is growing and, I think, I can't hide it anymore. Before, you could only see it if i sat cross-legged and there are not honestly many times that occurs outside my house.....But as holes tend to do, it has grown, and now I think it is visible from the back. I searched for a patch to sew in from the inside - not b/c I can't buy other jeans, but b/c i love THESE ones. I did in fact buy some Joe's jeans, but they have disappointed me. I won't get 800 wears out of them - not b/c they won't last, but b/c i don't enjoy them as much. They lose their shape, the stretch, they aren't as versatile (dress way up, or dress down), they are too long. With my Seven jeans, each time i put them on they fit the occasion. Ah, i must fix these ones to make them last a little longer......Since I can't find patches on my own, this means I have to ask Derek to take them to the drycleaner for an emergency fix (and get it done in one day before I leave for Christmas). Then after the New Year i can spend the time looking for their replacement.

Quick thoughts

First, had a business trip to Miami yesterday. Meetings ended early and we couldn't change our flight up, so had a nice late afternoon along South Beach. Dinner and a drink at the Clevelander, walk along the sand and feet in the water. Perfect weather. Perfect working Monday.

Our holiday party on Saturday was great. Had some of our closest friends over and so nice to have them all together. Hollis & Neesha -- I went to college with Hollis (one of the very very first people I met) and absolutely adore and admire his wife Neesha. Lauren and Mike -- I've written lots about them. I coached Lauren, she introduced me to Derek, I worked with Mike and introduced him to Lauren. Manny & Wendy -- Manny is Derek's best friend, they've known each other for close to 20 years. He was the best man at our wedding (and Wendy was like the honorary maid of honor -- without her, my sister would have failed miserably at the job:)) -- just joking Billi!) and is my go-to guy for just about anything and everything. Manny considers me the voice of reason when it comes to Derek, and for that I love him. They are our family. They brought almost 3 yr old Preston, who is a gem. Outgoing, funny, polite, a riot. And then there was Kate and Aidan. Kate is actually married to Toby, but he was out of the country for work (they both do lots of international work - and actually met while working in Africa while Kate was getting her masters). Aidan is there 20 month old son, who adored Preston and had a great time. Kate and I lived on the same floor of graduate housing during the 1st year of our masters programs at NYU and then together as roommates thereafter. She is also amazing! All in all, fun time. Although I will say - my ploy to get people UPSTAIRS (and use all the space we have on the second floor) --putting food and gifts upstairs -- failed. People went up there for 2 minutes, but then we were all congregated downstairs (mostly around the table). Such is the nature of parties:)

And finally, www.pandora.com. I have loved this site for close to 2 years now. I love it. You enter a song and/or musician you love and it creates a station for you with similar songs/musicians/sounds. It is awesome. I listed to one of my favorite stations that I have created - my "James Blunt" station that plays nice, mellow, love-like songs -- today and remembered that I must keep spreading the word about how awesome this site is. I have like 25 stations that I love and I am usually impressed with the songs the site picks for me and how much I like them (and how alike they are - despite often being frmo different genres of music or from musicians you wouldn't normally associate together).

Because sometimes, all of us need some encouragement...

So i find it useful to use this blog (selfishly) for pats on the back. So when I am feeling incompotent or lame, I can at least go to this blog and see that "wait, i have received positive feedback before! I can do something!" Okay, so it might only be of limited use since I am created the blog and can self engrandize (is that a word? the right word?) all I want. But at least it is something!

Today, I received this email from one of my capoeira instructors. It was timely b/c I felt somewhat retarded in class last night. I always feel like I get the moves when we practice them in drills, but then can't come close to doing them when I am in the circle/"roda" playing at the end....But, this email made me feel good and it was a reminder that yes, the more you do something, the better you get! Or, as Lou Holtz says in my new favorite quote, "Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect." Also, when I was walking home last night, I said to myself, "I need to jump in the roda more often....Not just when I am with people my level or who I am comfortable with...but with the most advanced people, too. With everyone. If I only play with people my level, I'll just stay my level...." So Ana clearly was tuned into that, as well.....last night, once the advanced people joined in (the really really advanced), I didn't get into the roda at all. So she eloquently gave me encouragement to do so, while also just enough compliments to make me feel good at the same time:)

Hi there great job in class last night. I love to see you
train. you put your whole body into it and focus so well. you have
facility at taking what is taught in class and putting it in the roda. keep
challenging yourself to play more in the roda and you will feel your game
grow even more. thanks for being there. have a great weekend and a great
party tomorrow night. love ana

-

Kids Holiday Party

Today at work is the holiday party for all the children of employees.....there are lots of little 2-11 year olds running around, and mostly really 2-5 year olds. Oh my god. They are so cute. My dear friend Laurie noted the other day that I had lots of posts about kids on my blog....although technically I think I just had a couple posts with lots of mentions of kids, she was essentially right. Now, I know she will read this and say "Another one!" And she will be right:) But really, with all the kids around, how could I help it?

They are so cute. My colleague just brought his 4 year old son over to say hi to me. There are donut holes on the counter outside my office (a place everyone sets community food....thanks so much for making it so convenient to me, although I am proud at how much will power I have most days). He said, in his cute little boy voice but one that is a little deep and froggy, "Oh dad, that is why i smell donuts!" He is too smart. Dave introduced him to me, and he said "Hi Nikki..." When I asked if he wanted a donut, he said so politely, "Oh, yes , please!" Too cute. Then he made sure I knew what he was really thinking, "Thank you. I really need energy to make sure I get to see Santa today." Ah, break my heart.

Last night I called my sister, who was out shopping so apparently my parents were over babysitting my nephews--the 2 1/2 (or almost 3, i guess) year old and 4-month old baby (the 11 year old was out shoppiung with "santa"). WHile my mom was holding the baby (Brady), my dad was "helping" Riley, the 2 1/2 year old, make a gingerbread house. This meant my dad was trying to make it and Riley was pretending the frosting was toothpaste - literally. When he heard my mom talking on the phone, he decided to pretend like he was in on the conversation too, and would say things like "Soooo...." and "Oh, REALLY" and then laugh. When my mom asked if he wanted to talk on the phone, he said "I am talking on the phone to YOU" and laughed. He thinks he just has the greatest sense of humor:) Then my mom asked, "No, do you want to talk to Aunt Nikki on the phone" he said, "Ohhh, Aunt Nikki.....wait till I brush my teeth to go swimming" (I went swimming with him when I was there over the summer, and took him down the big water slide for his first time, and he remembers this and mentions it every time they pass the water park). My dad, teasing him b/c he wasn't really helping with the gingerbread house (what did my dad really expect?) said "Riley, go talk to your Aunt." And Riley corrrected him, "Not Your Aunt. Aunt Nikki!" I was just laughing b/c like my sister, he really never lets my parents get the last word in:)

Finally, he decided to talk to me and sing me Rudolph since he has to sing that for his school/daycare play tonight (Brady the baby will be a baby Reindeer). He sand the first verse into the phone, and then paused. When I said, "Riley, what's the next verse?" He said he forgot, so I started singing the next verse.....middle of the verse, he accidently hung up on me. Well, he didn't realize this, b/c for five minutes I tried to call back periodically and it wouldn't go through. For five minutes, he held the phone to his ear and bobbed his head like someone was singing to him (I am told), and then he said "Love you Aunt Nikki. Good night"-- and gave the phone back to my mom. My mom then realized that the "operator" was singing to him "If you'd like to make a call, hang up and try again...." or whatever the recording says:) We were all dying of laughter!!! I was somewhat relieved to know that my singing voice (i am the worst!@!!!) sounded at least similar to him as the operator's soothing voice!;)

So now to attend to conference calls with adults and get some work done!

Pre Holiday Post

So last weekend I did not do the race. It was freeezzzing on Saturday, so the thought of running outside in the early morning was not appealing. I was kind of disappointed because I had some good runs during the week and a really good track workout, and I felt like I was going to improve a lot. But, there will be another race soon.

I was able to make it to the women's only Capoiera class last week, though. Typically, I don't like going to the "women's only" classes for anything, but I do like it with capoeira. Not that I don't like the other classes, but it just provides a different angle and different way to train - mostly because it is a different instructor than the other classes I get to go to. We did a lot of "angola" work. Angola is basically capoeira to the slower-beat songs. You do a lot of floor work and strength moves and slow, controlled moves. It is beautiful - absolutel beautiful - when two people who know what they are doing are doing angola capoeira. It was fun to learn some of the moves and options for an angola dialog - and it was hard. I was so sore the next couple days. My shoulders, back, arms, hips hadn't been that sore in quite some time. It felt good! It was a small class, too, so we got lots of personal attention.

I gave Derek his Christmas present on Sunday -- a 90 minute massage at a spa called Haven in SoHo. Part of my present to him was also me getting a 90 minute massage:) Because I know that he would want me to get a massage too, of course. So we both had a nice day at the spa! It was so relaxing. There are few things in life I love more than a massage.

We are having some friends over for a holiday party this weekend. I go to Miami for work on Sunday, so we are having the party on the earlier side Saturday night. It should be fun. We tend to invite too many people when we have gatherings, so we are keeping this small and just inviting some of our closest friends (that live in NY and can actually make it to the party:)). They are all awesome people, so there's no doubt it will be fun. It will be stress free too, as I am going to get most of our food from FreshDirect. If I weren't so honest and didn't tell people that, I could get away with looking like I made all these great appetizers on my own or that Derek did. But I am no good at keeping a secret, so I can't let myself take the credit. I am especially excited for this cranberry and brie empenadas that they have. Yum. We are having a sort of cranberry theme - which means we are serving Crantini's as a drink - and so in addition to a cranberry dessert, I am glad I have one more dish with cranberry's:) My goal is to be a good as host as my friend Agatha - who is my host idol and is like Martha Stewart in-fun-cognito.

Next week we have two friends staying with us for most the week before I head to Colorado for Christmas, and we are soooo excited. I worked with Mieke during my clerkship for a judge in San Diego, and while we worked together she started dating her now fiance, Jeremy. As it turns out, Jeremy went to high school with me and even dated (way back when) one of my close friends that I swam with. They are both awesome people. They are currently traveling the world (from Sept through the end of January or February), and have a couple days in New York in between their time in Morocco and Brazil. They are also thinking of moving to New York in the Spring, so Mieke has some good interviews here during that time. I can't wait to see them and to hear more of their travel stories. I know Butter & Deuce are excited as well (because, you know, they do speak to me....haha). Mieke and Jeremy have watched them before for us and they both get sooo excited to have them around. Which warms my heart and makes me happy - they are such good judges of character:)

Oh, speaking of one other thing that makes me SO happy. The BMW commercial with the brother and sister that are showing unbridled excitement at the Christmas gift they got. Pure excitement and happiness (pumping fists, screaming, shouting). I love it. Even if I am in the WORST mood ever - that commercial could come on and I smile and feel the happiness in my heart. The other night I was sleeping, and Derek was up watching TV (quite late), and he woke me up just to see that commercial. And I was happy he did - that is how much I love it:) So pathetic, but oh well.

Patting Myself on the Back

So, the results for the 15k (9.3 mile) race I did over Thanksgiving came out. I had no idea where I fell in the grand scheme of things, so I was excited/dreading seeing them. In my heart, I am still an athlete. I might not be as fast as I once was, or train as hard or as often, but I still just want to be a bit "in the mix."

Well, in my age group (30-39 females), I was right in the middle -- 15th out of 30. This age group included the top female finisher overall, and my friend Lauren, who was second in the age group and was the 5th female overall. Out of the 14 people ahead of me, 6 of them were officially on "teams" -- people who run as part of a runners group and compete regularly. Mind you, neither the top female finisher or Lauren were signed up as part of a team and they compete, race, and train all the time. All in all, I felt pretty respectable - especially considering the last running race I did was in about 2000 or 2001, and it was a 5k race for the cure. As I noted before, I haven't run 9.3 miles in years, let alone trained to race that distance on a uphill course.

For females overall, I was 41st out of 103 females. 22 of the 40 people that beat me were on teams - and some more (ie, Lauren and the other crazy athlete who won) aren't on teams, but do this all the time. Again, made me feel fairly respectable.

I think I am going to do a 10k next weekend. I like the distance better, and want to see if I can improve (per mile pace) a bit. Plus, I know the course. It is the Central Park loop. Certainly a couple hills - and Harlem Hill is tough -- but not nearly as bad as this past race!!!!

Christmas Spirt

I stole this from my friend Tracey, who in turn had stole it from her friend Jodi. When I read Tracey's answers, they got me in the holiday spirit and they looked alarmingly similar to ones I might write myself....But I swear, the answers are my own:)

1. EggNog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate with whip cream.

2. Does Santa wrap presents, use bags or just sit them under the tree? In my family, if Santa is female, she wraps presents. If Santa is male, he just sits them under the tree or gives them to the recipient the same day he buys it - in the bag in which he carried it home from the store.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White, white, white.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? I have before, but not in a long time. Come to think of it, I am not sure why. It reminds me of the first year we had Butter. He really only gives kisses right when I (or Derek) walk in the door (or now, first thing in the morning). I tried to associate this time of giving kisses with the mistletoe that we had by the door. But he resisted the lesson, as he does most lessons.

5. When do you put your decorations up? 2 weeks before Christmas. If we are having guests earlier in December, then earlier.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Anything my sister makes. Preferably roast and mashed potatoes!:) Yum. Or my own fresh baked cookies. Or the gingerbread cake w/ frosting that you can get at Starbucks.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Waking up with my sister and coming down stairs to see a whole Lincoln Logs city set up in our living room. We'd always have christmas morning at home with me, my parents, and siblings. Then we'd drive 2 hours to my maternal grandparents house and celebrate with that side of the family (my mom is one of five kids, and there are 11 or 12 grandchildren total). THEN we would go to my dad's parents house and celebrate with that side of the family. He is one of 12 children, and I have over 50 first cousins on that side - and now an amazing number of second cousins. In fact, a couple years ago there was a dispute over who was the 100th member of that family given various births/divorces. Each year, all 100 pack themselves into my grandparents basement for a visit from Santa (my oldest uncle) and drinks at the bar. Despite having a 3 bedroom house, and having had up to 10 kids at home at any one time, they insisted on leaving the largest room in the basement a bar (full service, i might add) rather than turn it into a bedroom. Anyway, after Christmas at my grandparents, we'd drive the two hours home sound asleep and but still somehow be fighting over who had to sit in the middle.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? 1st grade. My sister told me while we were on the playground at school before school started. This playground was where she dispelled many myths (santa, easter bunny, tooth fairy) and let me in on a number of family secrets.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? When we were kids, we always got to choose one. Now, my siblings, our spouses, and my parents do a gift exchange (draw names) and we open that present on Christmas Eve. It's always my favorite part of Christmas.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? White lights, silver and/or red decorations. I am sure it will get more colorful when kids are added to the mix.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it when it is fresh, dread it when it is still on the ground and turned into dirty sludge.

12. Can you ice skate? Yes!.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Spending it with my family, and now with my nephews.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Iced gingerbread cake from Starbucks and my own home made cookies.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Jack and cokes made by one of my uncles at my Grandpa & Grandma Hart's house. This means JACK with a little coke. And - the sibling+ gift exchange on christmas eve. And strategizing with my sister about how to spoil the exchange that all the "adults" do at the Hart's house (when your number is called, pick a gift or steal one that someone else already has....). People get sooo mad at us every year.

17. What tops your tree? I think nothing....every year, I think whatever I put on top looks funny. So i just leave it alone.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Close call - almost equal - but I like giving a bit better. I have better luck with it.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Maybe I should not admit - but "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey. And there is a song by u2 that is sort of political and slipping my mind right now but is a great holiday song - and I don't generally like the band.

20. Candy Canes or Chocolate Covered Cherries? I'd go with candy canes, but I could skip both.

21. Favorite Christmas movie: Maybe I should also not admit this - but none stick out to me. I'm looking forward to The Holiday with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz. I've seen very very very of the classics (maybe none of them).

Daily Feelings

Top Ten emotions of my day today:

1. Frustration
2. Anger
3. Sadness
4. Frustration
5. Boxed in
6. Restricted
7. Frustration
8. Regret
9. Overlooked
10. Underappreciated

Seeming that I spent all but 2 hours of my waking day at work, one can imagine where these feelings came from. I am sure tomorrow will be different. I am sure I will feel different once I get home. But it's worth noting that this is my dream job - one that I have wanted for a long time and one that I really like. And yet, days like this exist. They'll be more, I am sure, and I won't like any of them. Hopefully, they'll just continue to be many more days when my top ten feelings don't include "frustration" three times and other traditionally not-fun feelings.

However, because of the feelings described above, I have no desire to do much of anything.....except possibly eat:) I am starving.

Monday...

We had a great long weekend. Thursday it was very rainy and windy here in NYC, so the 5-mile run (to raise money for a local high school track team) was cancelled. Well, actually, I don't know if it was cancelled. I do know that we (me and my friends Mike & Lauren) decided not to brave the elements. Derek and I met up with Mike & Lauren for our "traditional" dinner at ESPN Zone.....no cooking, no cleaning, good dessert, and funny, despite how "untraditional" it is. We had a great time. We then all caught the worst movie ever - Tenacious D (with Jack Black). The funniest part of the movie event - Derek's "awe" at how nice the Time Square movie theatre was and how much it had changed since the days when he was a teenager. "Oh, wow, they have an escalator. And a pay phone" For some reason (being overfed), Lauren and I thought this was the funniest statement ever and couldn't stop laughing for a while. One might have even thought we were laughing at the movie, but they would have been wrong. I just finished reading "What Is The What" - by Dave Eggers about the refugees ("the Lost Boys") from Sudan. It reminded me of how one of the Lost Boys said he felt the first time he went to a more industrialized city and how some felt upon their arrival to the U.S.

On Friday, Derek and I went shopping for one specific item - running shoes for me. I had been wearing mine for way too long, and he was quite tired of me complaining about my achey shins and calves. I went to the Nike store knowing that I wear Nike for my narrow feet, and knowing they'd have the most selection for me. We promised ourselves patience wtih the crowd. This didn't prove to be a problem since I was the only one actually trying on shoes - and everyone else was just blind purchasing. After trying on 9 pairs, I found my match. As soon as I slipped them on - ahh, heaven. Cushioning and support once again!

To honor my new purchase, I agreed to run a 15k with Lauren on Sunday. She is training for an ironman triathlon, and is a great marathoner runner. So for her, this would be a fast training race. For me, this would be about 1.5 more miles than I have run anytime recently. If you exclude two 7.5 mile runs that I did in the past couple months, this is about 3-4 miles more than I have done since college. I am the queen of short-er, intense runs and track workouts instead of "long" runs that are so in vogue:) Anyway, so I agreed to this 9.3 mile (15k). It turned out to be an awesome, beautiful day outside, and Mike joined us since I was doing it, too. The course was pretty, but not fun. 2 out of every 3 miles was uphill, and there was a mix of gradual hills and steep hills and it was pretty much ... painful. Luckily, Lauren agreed so that helped my ego. I felt accomplished when it was done and felt like I had a pass to be as totally lazy as possible the remainder of the afternoon. Which I was. Derek cooked a delicious dinner for us....we looked at pictures of children in need of homes in Colorado (my sister sent me a link, and each story pulled us in, and we were on the verge of adopting 3 kids ranging in age from 6 to 14) and we watched Home Makeover (about a large Tongan family with 8 kids who live in Utah, which seemed to verify for us that we needed to start adopting and/or having kids so that we, too, could have a family with 8 kids).

We don't have much planned now until December 16th....We are having a few of our closest friends over for a small holiday party that night. We are trying to start a new tradition since we have to change our annual Super Bowl party (I will typically be at the Super Bowl now, and not able to host....Although this sounds great, our Super Bowl party has always been one of my favorite things so I am slightly sad over the change...).

Thanksgiving

Yum, I love thanksgiving. I love the meal (mashed potatoes!, green bean casserole!, stuffing!, pumpkin pie with whip cream! yum!). Also, each year we go out with two of our friends that live here in the city as well and who don't go home for the holidays. We are very connected to Mike & Lauren. I met Lauren when I was the assistant swim coach at NYU (she swam - she is an amazing athlete)....Derek and I were introduced through Lauren, and I returned the favor a year later and introduced her to Mike, whom I taught with during my couple years as a teacher. We also coached basketball together - what an experience. In any event, we are married now, they are married now, and they are certainly two of the best people I have ever met.

Which leads to one point of this blog - what I am thankful for. Whenever I am feeling down, or need some reassurance that things will work out, I always list in my head what I am thankful for. It takes quite a while, because I am specific - I think of each person, of each quality that I have, of each opportunity or experience - and the list is long. When I try to generalize it, it seems like it doesn't do it justice - the people or the things that I am thankful for deserve so much more than I can give them in a short list.

Which leads to another point of this blog - short lists, and a particular short list. The other night I pulled out this box of stuff in order to make sure some things were in there. I had a panic that during our move to New York in 2005, I didn't know where I put a disc with some of our wedding pictures or the handkerchief that I used to wrap the bottom of my bouquet. It was my "something old" and was one of my grandfather's hankerchief's, who had passed away in 1994. We got married on July 4 (2002) and my memories of the 4th have always been tied to my grandpa. It wasn't the only reason we chose that day, but it certainly added to how special it was.

Anyway, I came across a number of things I had saved (including exactly what I was looking for! so happy I know that I placed these items in a safe place), including this "list" of qualities I wanted in a significant other. It was written on a small thin piece of paper that I recognized as slips that are available in library to jot things down. Although I am sure I have been in a library since college (during my masters program, as a teacher, during law school....), I know I had this slip from when I worked in a library during college - and I had written it with a pencil, and the pencil was fading but still clearly readable. The "qualities" were quite simple - and can't even really be called "qualities". I guess it was more a list of what I wanted in a relationship with someone. Someone to laugh with; someone to hold me when I cry; someone who likes to dance; someone who wants my opinion; someone who i want to talk to right before i go sleep. I think there was one other. I think I wrote this in 1996 - maybe 1995. Happy to say, all items are checked off and seem so very very pale in comparison to what I actually have!:) (Funny how you think you know what is really important when you are 21 or 22, but you are either far off or at least very narrow in what you know). It was a nice reminder.....Which even the most grateful, let alone me, need sometimes!

Overdose of pictures

Here are some pictures we took over the weekend....trying to get a good family portrait was no easy task. My theory, the more you take, the better your chances of liking just one!!! We ended up liking quite a few, and some even have some personality:)

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9CYsnDdu3Yuk

End of a long, long day

Did anyone catch in my last post when I said I "got" to talk to the press Friday night? As if I "got" to do a good thing? I feel differently now.

I keep redrafting this blog b/c I need to vent about, but don't think the blog is the place to do that given its accessibility to unknown hands (another thing that a friend of mine dealt with today!). In any event, today has been a whirldwind of press making a mountain out of a molehill, despite my attempts (and the attempts of my well-versed colleagues) to prevent just that by taking the time to give them more info last Friday than we otherwise might normally do. My phone has literally rung 81 times. I've tried my best to avoid the phone calls, only to pick up when I shouldn't have and - in large part due to my inexperience with the press - allowed myself to be taken advantage of and said more than I needed to say. Not anyone's fault - only myself to blame. They were doing their job, and doing well, at that.

Though I can't explain more, the topic of interest could not be more benign or un-interesting. I could explain more if we were talking face to face but none of you, I trust, would be remotely interested in this!!!! I am just kicking myself. No harm done really - I just got some "air" time on local tv stations in Lubbock, Texas....which I am finding ironic, because one of the 7 people that I learned had a blog before I started this blog I had recently gotten in touch with merely b/c I had found out that she moved to Texas (not Lubbock, but still Texas). Now, I am happy I got in touch with her. But I am not so happy with Texas right this moment, and somehow I find the connection amusingly ironic:). I didn't say anything that was bad or harmful or inaccurate, just probably didn't sound as eloquent in these sound clips as I would hope to sound, especially when I should not have said anything.

My colleagues have told me to stop beating myself up over it. And they are right, I should. And I am glad I learned the lessons I did learn today with the only result that I am beating myself up rather than someone else doing the beating (did I mention I love this job???). But man, it hasn't been fun.

And the 81 calls wasted enough of my time that I did not get out of here early enough to make it to Capoeira.

But, luckily enough, there is always tomorrow...

And tomorrow I wake up with a total new found respect for the White House press secretary, even if I have little respect for others in the White House.

Weekend Visit

My mom was here from Thursday night through this morning. Derek and I just dropped her off at the airport. I thought my dad might surprise me and come with her, although he wasn't able to. In any event, it was fun. She spent the day with Derek while I worked on Friday - working out and doing a bit of shopping. Toward the end of the day, they came up to my job so my mom could see the offices and meet some of my colleagues. I had planned on getting out of here around 5, but we had some unexpected events come up on Friday and I had to (got to) deal with "press calls" and make "press statements" for the first time. It was fun, but a bit harder than I expected since you often have speaking points that you want to say but that do not match up with the questions you are asked. I will have a lot of press statements around Super Bowl time, and more and more each year, so I was excited to get some under my belt and my mom and husband that it was very cool that they were here for it. We then went to one of our favorite Mexican food restaurants, Burrito Bar, and had some great fajitas and margaritas.

Saturday we went on a long run, went to a new local coffee shop that is really nice (Joyce Bake Shop) with amazing owners, walked around our neighborhood and checked out the Annie Leibovitz exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum. It was quite crowded (that museum is right in our neighborhood and absolutely gorgeous, but never really crowded), but a very good exhibit so we all understood why. I am a big photography fan -- I don't know much about it, I just love photos of any sort, especially of people. There was also an exhibit of graffiti art and a booksigning by four female graffiti artists, which drew a crowd as well. Then we went to Joya for some delicious Thai food, and I forced my mom to watch Walk the Line since she had never seen it and I thought that was tragic. (This was sparked because there were a number of photos at the Annie Liebovitz exhibit of Johnny Cash, June Carter Cash, and some of their children and grandchildren). While we were renting Walk the Line, I found 4 other movies that I wanted to see too, so I ended up renting them all (Syriana, Hard Candy - recommended by my friend Laurie after I saw Patrick Wilson in Little Children, Red Dust, and something else....oh, Catch Me if You Can). Hopefully, I actually watch them over the upcoming holiday weekend! Although I bet I just watch 1, at most 2.

Yesterday, my mom and I took Butter & Deuce to the enclosed dog park. We live by Prospect Park, which is beautiful, huge and dog friendly, but I can't take Deuce off the leash there because he is unpredictable in what will catch his curiosity any given day - and usually my commands are no match for his curiosity. So we go about 1 1/2 miles away to an enclosed park which is big and nice. They were going some renovations, so 1/2 of it was closed, but both the dogs had fun anyway. We then went to the Angelika - a true NYC landmark that shows artsy sort of films, but a couple that end up being mainstream as well. We saw Candy (Heath Ledger) which was a good movie - great acting - but also hard to watch. Disturbing in some scenes. We did a few other things that are slipping my mind - christmas shopping, checking a few things out......had fun. Then watched football and baked some brownies to end the day. Simple, fun stuff.

Now back to work. Thank god it is a short workweek! Got in quite early this morning, so hoping to get out early and go to the early Capoeira class tonight. I did not get the chance to go last week, so I am excited to have a good class tonight. My instructors (a husband and wife) are on vacation (they went to Kenya to see the wife's family - she spent part of her childhood there). One of their friends from Brazil is here to fill in for them and teach all the classes, and I am excited to take classes with him.

Pictures of Deuce...

Here is my crazy puppy Deuce in his more mellow moments....

My mom is in town this weekend, so we are hoping to get some good pictures of all of us, including new ones of the dogs. Had lots of other thoughts last night about things I wanted to "blog" about, but it will have to wait for another day....

Deuce

I am feeling what must be a common maternal feeling - guilt. I had a post about one of my dogs, Butter, and though I mentioned Deuce in the blog, it really was only in relation to what he means to Butter. Today I feel like, "Wait, Nikki, you have to explain how much you love Deuce, too! You have to give him his own introduction." So here it is.

We got Deucey while we lived in San Diego. We went to the shelter, and in a kennel next to him was a litter of lab/boxer mix puppies. Like 10 week old puppies. Everyone at the shelter that day was ooh-ing and aah-ing and gathered around that kennel. Because I always go for the older, overlooked dogs (puppies, I tell myself, will find homes; older dogs may not), we walked past the puppies with only a quick peak. Sure enough, we see this long legged black dog in the next kennel, laying on his little bed with his legs outstretched with this look like "No one loves me." We tried to get him to move up to the fence, to come up toward us. He just layed there, turned his long nose and sad eyes toward us with a look that said, "Just go on. Don't tease me. I know you want the puppies, not me." Derek and I both fell in love! He was about 2 years old, and we were thinking of an older dog (for my reasons above), but the look on Deuce's face made us change our minds. We went home, picked up Butter, had a chance for them to interact in a play area. Butter fell in love as quickly as we did. They LOVED each other. If I didn't believe in love at first sight before then, seeing how Butter came alive with Deuce made me believe in it then.

I cried that night we got Deuce and the next day because I was scared I could never love him as much as I love Butter. Sure enough, it took no time for me to learn there is really no limit to how much or how many people or dogs I can love. I love Deuce for all that he is - mischievious, demanding at times, in need of structure, affectionate, sweet, jealous, crazy, smart, eager to please, willing to do his part, lazy in the mornings but always in need of exercise, scared and brave all at once, funny. He is a sweetheart. I don't have pictures that do him justice (at least on my computer), but these will do for now. They show him in the "lazy in the morning" and "affectionate" mode.....hard to capture the crazy, energetic mode (b/c usually in those moments, my hands are too full trying to keep up with him to take pictures).

(The images will come another day...Blogger is telling me they are uploaded, but they aren't showing up....I will try tomorrow).

Celebrity Look Alikes

So I'd like to believe mine are a bit more accurate than Derek's.....But I should note that, since the days of Party of Five, I have found Matthew Fox extremely attractive and I've always had a soft spot for Enrique Iglesias. It is a dream to know that my husband looks like both of them.

Having Babies

No, I am not having one right now. I am not pregnant. Nonetheless, this is a topic that has been central to my days recently....

I have some friends, close or once removed (ie, friends/siblings of friends), who are expecting. I have some others who already have children, and who love being parents and don't talk about anything else. I have some friends who have children and who love being parents and who love their children, but who also miss certain aspects of their old life. (Probably, everyone who has kids feels this way. But only some of my friends are brave or honest enough to admit that, and smart enough to know that it doesn't mean they love their children or choices any less). Sadly, I have at least one friend who has a child, who must love her child, but who wishes she wasn't a parent. And, I have a number of friends who are trying to have kids with no luck (yet...). These past couple weeks have been full of baby announcements, and baby conversations....Some lighthearted conversations. Some heart wrenching.

Having families, having children, is overwhelming. Especially the thought of it. What if I can't get pregnant when I want to? What if something goes wrong? What if I end up feeling the way my friend does, who really doesn't want to be a mother? What if I can't relate to my kids? What if I miss my old life - not like my friends miss theirs, but if I miss it too much? Mostly, what happens if I am not a good mother?? It scares me. It scares me even though I know I can handle what comes my way. It scares me even though I know I will be a good mother -- good in the sense of trying my hardest and putting our kids, and my relationship with Derek, as my priority. It scares me even though I know - from my friends' experiences - that there are lots of treatments to help with fertility if we do have a problem (um, though no one in my family really ever has. Did I mention I have over 60 cousins?). It scares me even though I know you just have to roll with the punches, and not get ahead of yourself. It scares me because it is just that - scary. It's entering into the unknown. The unpredictable. The world where your actions have real consequences on the people you inevitably love so much, but you are never really quite sure what actions will have what consequences.

Anyway, that being said, I love hearing from my friends about their children. I love meeting their children too. It is amazing, seeing my friends in the faces and actions of these little newborns, 1 year olds, 5 year olds. I love it. In their kids, I see only the best traits of my friends (maybe b/c I don't think too many of the friends I keep have bad traits!!). I am excited for what lies ahead of my friends' children...and happy that I know what lies ahead for them b/c I know the quality of their parents. While thinking of starting a family scares, the thought of these families also warms my heart to no end.

The other thing that warms my heart? My nephews. But I will save a discussion about those three for another blog:)

Good Days

Is this three days in a row that I have blogged? I think so. I am getting into this! I keep thinking of things I would want to share if I had the chance to see certain people, certain friends...things that would be fun to chat about if we were out having a drink or hanging out at home. Anyway, so exciting. I am on a role.

Yesterday I went to capoeira....it was great. I did SO well. I played so well. You can learn certain "skills" with capoeira - different kicks, different "schivas" (ways to dodge kicks), different moves -- but really you learn by playing with a partner in the middle of a circle. Kind of like sparring, but the goal is not to hurt or even really touch each other. It is to "have a conversation" with your moves - a back and forth. It is so much harder than it sounds like. Anyway, I always do well with the skills part of things...I am a good student and a good athlete, so I get what we are supposed to do. But then it goes out the window when I am in the circle (the "roda") playing one on one with someone. But last night it didn't. I was playing so well, and having so much fun. I was responding well and keeping eye contact and was able to anticipate moves really well. Anyway, it was a blast. I think there are a number of reasons why it was so good. First, everyone just has goods days and bad days. Sometimes you are "on" and sometimes "off." It happens. Second, when I was at my old job, i sort of felt like I needed capoeira. It wasn't so social, I was in my office alone a lot. Not a ton of interaction with people. So rather than just leave work and run - by myself - i needed something more interactive and also artistic. And i found capoiera. But that was the problem, I needed it. Now, I don't need it so much. My job is VERY social, very interactive (exhaustingly so). I am talking and interactive all day long. And it is more artistic (as artistic as law can be) and more fun. But now I go because I really just want to. It is a huge belief of mine - things are so much better when you want them instead of need them. I always say it to Derek - I want him, I don't need him. It sounds bad, I suppose, but it is not. Whenever we are fighting, he often says "You don't need me. I am leaving." Or some other version of that. And I say, "No, I don't need you. I just want you." And, suddenly, we aren't fighting anymore. So I think that change has made me more playful at capoeria -- and playful, lightheartedness is an essential ingredient to "play" capoeira. And, not to be overlooked, I am feeling much more lightedhearted after a little health scare at the end of summer/ this fall. When I finally had the lump removed, and it was officially benign, I felt a tremendous weight off my heart and mind. I didn't realize how much it was worrying me.....So, in any event, I went home last night exhausted and so happy with myself:)

Today and tomorrow I am working at NFL Films, which is in New Jersey, about 1 1/2 hours from NYC. So i get to take small road trips each day. Fun! I got to listen to 106.7 Lite FM all the way down.....all love songs. My dream. It is the equivalent of KYXY Love Songs in San Diego, which was my official station. Each city has one.....and I love every song they play. Highlights of my drive - Bob Seger "We Have Tonight..."; Dan Hill "Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much,..."; "Lady In Red" by I forget who, but I love; "Crazy Love" by Van Morrison; "Faithful" by Journey....I had Eddie Rabbit & Crystal Gale (i forget the name of the song...); "Nobody knows but me" by the Tony Rich Project; Lisa Loeb "Stay"; "Goodbye my lover" by James Blunt; "Collide" by Howie Day; "The Rose" by Bette Midler.....and so many more. I love those songs. I thrive off of them. I could go on forever about ones I didn't hear, but am know thinking of. I love when I get to listen to them and not having someone (ie, Derek) complaining (although he does withstand them for very long periods of time, I will give him credit).

Then i also listened to my John Legend CD, or parts of it. There are certain parts of "Ordinary People" that I literally can't sing out loud to b/c it makes me cry, it is such a poignant song. One verse goes something like:"I hang up, you call. We rise and we fall. And we feel like just walking away. As our love advances, We take second chances. Though it's not a fantasy, I Still want you to stay." I can't sing that verse without getting all choked up!! Derek laughs at me, but it is powerful to me b/c it is real. Anyway, I love getting to take car rides, and singing my heart out outloud (with my certified terrrible voice) and letting the cheesy songs get to me as much as the really good, critically acclaimed ones.

So this all has made for a few good days:)

Friends

One of my oldest friends, and certainly one of my dearest friends, Agatha, has said how nice it was to read my blog and said how she felt she could "hear my voice" saying certain things while she read it. Oh, I loved hearing that. Maybe she just said that b/c I listed her as my most fun friend to go out with, but I still loved it nonetheless. Mostly b/c I miss her sooooooo much and I wish we could talk to each other more often, if not actually see each other more often.

So I am thinking of her, and many of my friends, instead of getting started on my freaking "to do" list at work. I am thinking of how I met, and how our friendships grew, and it makes me so nostalgic and warm hearted and happy. When I first met Agatha we were 13 or 14, and I didn't like her at all. Although I was probably intimidated by her, I of course wasn't self aware enough to know that then. And our friendship has changed and moved and grown. It is so perfect and so easy. And it cracks me up when I think of the first few months I knew her and how our friendship grew....

Then I was also thinking of my friend Dave. I didn't like him when we first met (I was a senior in HS and he a freshmen in college) and he certainly didn't like me. Sure enough, we quickly became such close friends and the type of friends that will be life long. That cracks me up too. I love telling people how Dave - by his own admission - hated me when he first met me. I guess I don't always make a good impression! Dave is also the person who has given me the most backhanded compliment ever in my life..."Nikki, I have never found you REMOTELY attractive, ....but you look very good." I know what he meant when he said it....that on that particular night, I looked pretty and he had no agenda for saying that, but it was hilarious.

Most of my other friends I have liked right away, at least in some capacity. That makes Agatha and Dave even more special to me....

My Old Puppy

Have a new renewed interest in posting a blog....Still not sharing with many people, because I need to get comfortable with this for now....but I figured I will keep trying and one day be comfortable (as I am told I will be). There will be events in life that will seem appropriate....and, really, it comes down to the fact that I just want to do it!

Today, I have been thinking of my dog, Butter, all day. I have two -- Butter and Deuce. Butter is my old puppy. We got him when he was about 5 or 6, and now he is a solid 12 years old. For a big dog, it is a ripe old age but he is going strong. He still goes on his three walks a day (which means climbing our stairs three times a day) and never resists going out, despite what must be some soreness in his hips and spine. He decides a little earlier than he used to that he is not up for the long walks, but he has always had a mind of his own when it comes to deciding when it is time to turn around and go home on walks. And what really keeps him young is his best friend, Deuce. They play constantly - constantly - and Butter loves him to death. Butter longs to play with him long after Deuce (who is a hyper 4 year old) is over it. And Butter just loves Deuce. He loves to kiss him hello, to lay his head on Deuce's paw, to nudge up against Deuce. It is so adorable it breaks my heart.

Today I just was thinking of what life will be like without him one day, and I quite literally broke into hysterical crying. The tears rose from the pit of my stomach - and I literally couldn't quite handle the emotion. I love him so much, and he really is this amazing presence in my life, my husband's and even in our marriage. He loves "family time" and is never happier than when we are all together, especially if we are laughing and smiling. He is my gentle giant, and I wish that everyone had a little bit of him in their life. Most of my friends do know him, but I wish I could share him with everyone. This post is my small way of doing that.

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays? I do. I don't want to owe him anything.

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias. What is it? Veronica Nicholas.

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently? Kansas. Sorry to those of you I know in Kansas, but I hate the state.

4. You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna try? I want to see what it feels like to be attracted to the female version of me.

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo? I can't remember either! Probably Luke.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child? Probably the Barbie dream house. I did have the Barbie townhouse though - some house, just not the dream house.

7. Top three celebrities you wanna do. So hard to narrow down to three. Justin Chambers. Justin Timberlake. Lenny Kravtiz. Matthew McConahauey (sp?). Dan Majerle.

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other? Inability to trust.

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you? I can't remember seeing a scary movie. But I am sure I saw some made for TV movie that frightened me a bit recently.

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud? "I didn't know that Amish people lived in New York City" - as I passed a number of hesidic Jewish men when I first moved to New York. Embarrasing.

11. You're sentenced to death and it's the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?Perfectly cooked cheeseburger. Fries from Tavern on the Dean. WARM BROWNIE WITH VANILLA ICE CREAM AND HOT FUDGE. And another.

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done? There are lots of movies I haven't seen and books I haven't read that seem like everyone else around has seen/read.

13. Before you die you want to go to...? Africa, South Africa, India, Argentina.

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do? Sing well. I sing all the time, but I think I am physically not capable of making it sound good!

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet? I can't narrow that kind down. An elephant, a monkey, a giraffe, a rhino, a tiger, a lion, a bear.....and so many more..

16. A drug you'll never try? Heroine.

17. If you were an animal what would you be? A dog (preferably living in a good family).

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be? Jon Swift, Jeff Elliot or Jorma Beckstrom. By the time I was 18, I was wise enough to know you couldn't pay me money to marry the latter two.....

19. What's something most people don't know about you? My real weight:) Seriously, whatever they don't know- it is because I don't want them to know so I am not sharing it here;)

20. First celebrity crush? Andy Gibb!

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities? a sword.

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)?French Toast.

24. Favorite parody movie? Airplane. Classic.

25. Worst way to die? Slowly

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen? I haven't seen too many. Oh wait, I saw someone get thrown out of a car when I was in college - in San Diego. I remember her neck being very misplaced - I blocked out the rest. It was quite sad.

27. The worst injury you've ever had? I've had 30 stitches in my chin when I fell ice-skating. Another 30 or so when I fell off my bike (that one involved going into shock, too, so I think it was worse). I've broken all the toes on my left foot.

28. Favorite thing about thanksgiving? The entire meal - if it is cooked well, preferably by my sister.

29. Sport you hate the most? Golf.

30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit? Cape Cod.

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about? Investing.

32. Favorite Actor/Actress? Did I mention I want to do Justin Chambers? Otherwise, Matt Dillon (but I want him, too:)).

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest? "God bless you."

34. What makes an awesome party? Good conversation. Laughter. People letting their guard down.

35. What's your material obsession? Furniture from Pottery Barn.

36. What's something most would consider an insult but you like it said about you? "I like her for her looks." Haha. I also like to be called a "chic." I've been told that people detest how diplomatic I am, but that is good too.

37. Favorite kind of dog? The kind most in need of a home.

38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)? Ice cream.

39. Morning or night person? Depends on the day. Usually morning. .

40. Worst drunken/drugged up habit? Dominating a converssation. Making up stories:)

41. Weirdest ebay purchase? Never purchased anyting on eBay.

42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?Greasey food.

43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you? Sleeping or, if I am ending a night out, I would be wishing we went out earlier and that I was home asleep.

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with? Agatha. No offense to anyone else:) Brad is fun too.

45.Worst job you've ever had? Selling fudge at the Mackinaw Island Fudge Stand at the Del Mar fair. But the owner was so nice.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for? Everything. Dipping my fries in my milkshake. Making up facts, occasionally:)

47. Favorite cereal? Honey Nut Cheerios.

48. Book you could read repeatedly? Marley and Me.

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done? I've backed out of a couple major obligations in my life - just a few times from the age of 14 to 30. None was with mean intent, except telling a boy in 9th grade that i felt "obligated" to go to a dance with him so was cancelling.

50. What was your best Halloween costume ever? A mummy (no one knew who i was!).

I love Grey's

Like a large percentage of the U.S. population, I love Grey's Anatomy. I absolutely love it. Two hours of repeats on Thursday nights, combined with an hour repeat on Sundays, aren't enough. Even though I am so excited for the new season to start (next week!), I am not sure how one hour a week is going to satisfy me. I want to live with these people day in and day out (even the ones I don't like). As my husband says, "that's a problem." Or, "You [meaning me] have a problem."

A friend of mine thinks that the character development of George and Izzie are key to the continued success of the show. I'd have to throw Alex in there. I love him. People cringe in disgust when I say that - "he's such an a**" is a common response. But he's not "such an a**" all the time. In fact, most episodes feature at least one endearing scene involving him. And even when he is perceived at a jerk, it is sometimes b/c of his hard-to-swallow honesty. I just love him. I'd take him over George any day of the week. And in "real life" I am generally not attracted to bad guys. My husband is one of the nicest guys to walk the face of the earth. During each phase of my life (high school, college, after college, law school), I was very attracted for long periods of time to very very nice guys. I dated one or two jerks, yes, but my heart was always pulled to nice guys. So it is not the "bad boy" complex some people have that draws me to the character of Alex.

My husband really likes Izzie - he thinks she is a "smoker." I'd have to say, Addison has grown on me. Neither of us get Meredith, except there have been moments where I felt like "Oh, yes, that is why everyone loves Meredith." And then I even feel a bit envious (of a TV character, yes. There in lies the problem my husband talks about). And needless to say, her chemistry with Dr. Shepherd is....enviable:)

This post explains why one hour is just not going to be enough!

10 Things I learned

Not life changing, but I (re-)learned them yesterday:

1. It is very cute to see your husband try something, bravely, for the first time ever.
2. People love to talk to someone from a major sports league, even if you are calling to put an end to their dreams.
3. Jimmy Kimmel is funnier than I could ever be.
4. You can make an old dog happy by helping him climb up into bed with you.
5. If you decide to wait for the next B train at 8:30 in the morning b/c the one in front of you is so crowded, the next one that comes is going to be even more crowded.
6. I can do a 1-handed cartwheel on my bad side.
7. It's fun to know that you can do a 1-handed cartwheel on your bad side when you are almost 33.
8. Marriage does not mean the end of cereal for dinner.
9. New York will drive you crazy if you don't know how to endure odd stares/looks/faces from people on the subway.
10. There is nothing like a perfect cool, chilly, crisp day (and cooler night) to remind you just how awful summer humidity is.

Attorney by Day/Capoeirista by Night

I was going to write a big post today, but couldn't commit to it. When I started, I realized that maybe "blogging" is not my thing. Each time I write, I feel like I am acting too "self important." No one is even going to read this (especially since I am waiting to tell anyone I have a blog!), but it still feels wierd. I don't know how to use this, but for some reason I want to. Not sure.

The other day someone said it was "sexy" that I was an "high power attorney by Day, and a Capoeirista by Night." I laughed. I am the lowest attorney on the totem pole where I work....Granted, I work at a pretty amazing place and I'd rather be lowest on the totem pole here than a big-shot anywhere else. It's my dream job. But still......I don't feel like a high-power player most days despite the suit(s) I wear to work. And when I go to Capoeira each night, I rarely feel like a capoeirista despite my white abada. I've improved, don't get me wrong. And I am proud of my playing on certain nights, when I think on my feet and remember my entire repertoire of moves while in the Roda, but I am not stunning people with my acrobatics. I more typically think of myself of someone who is trying to do capoeira rather than as a capoeirista. But I guess, what's the difference? It's all perspective, right?

I think my reaction to my friend's statement stems from the same place that makes me feel wierd writing a blog. I don't deserve too much credit. I don't think there is enough "on my resume" to warrant interest in my life. Maybe there is, though. I feel like even if I just write something down - just tell what I am up to - I am somehow instantly glamorizing it (even if I stick to the facts). Maybe I am not. Maybe I just have to write this blog from the perspective of the person who finds my life "sexy." Ha. We'll see how this goes.

So, after learning that seven different people I know have "blogs" - and reading most of them (including the archives) fairly thoroughly over the past couple weeks - I've decided that maybe I will start one myself.

I'm unsure of this. Do I have enough thoughts that I want to share with people to fill a blog? Do I have enough friends that would make the blog worthwhile? Do I have enough time to make the blogs interesting? I'm not sure about any of these questions. But maybe it will be fun for a while, maybe it will be fun every now and then, or maybe I'll give up after a few posts. Maybe I'll enjoy my own little personal soap box when I need one, maybe I'll feel too self conscious - or too indulgent - to write. Who knows. But I figure I'll try it out!