Surreal Christmas

I had four, fun-filled days with my family in Colorado for the holidays. So nice to be home, but it was a funny, sometimes surreal experience for a number of reasons:

• I made it home despite three feet of snow and a couple days of airport closings. I was the first flight to make it from NY to Denver after the big storm!
• My sister and her husband were like the model couple the entire time -- no fighting, no arguing, no yelling, no cursing, nothing! If you know them (or have heard some of the many endlessly entertaining stories about them), you understand why this is so odd. I know the reason behind it, but don't feel at liberty to share on this blog... But along with being refreshing, it left me a little dazed as well.....But as one of the beneficiaries of her husband's new found patience and kindness, I couldn't complain!
• Someone got kicked out of my grandparents' (dad's side) house for drinking too much! (See previous post about one of my favorite holiday traditions -- strong jack and cokes at my grandparents' basement bar -- and you will know why this is so strange!).
• Grandparents have about 1500 squ ft. house -- 900 squ ft upstairs, 600 downstairs. If you have ever wondered if you could fit 88 people into a 600 squ ft space, you question has been answered. 88 people in the basement during the gift exchanges. Thereafter, many of us escaped upstairs where it was about 35 degrees cooler.
• Male cousin, mom's side of family, told another female cousin, same side of family, that she had "thunder thighs" -- thinking it was a compliment. I informed him, on her behalf, that the fact he is gay is no excuse for such a mistake.
• Same male cousin also told his mom that she has "ham hocks" for thighs. I informed him that, again, this is just not something you say to a woman, related to you or not, joking or not, whether it is true or not. For good measure, I also let him know why don't call a woman "chunky" "beefy" "monstrous" "flabby" etc...or say things like "you aren't that big," "you aren't that ugly," "it doesn't look that bad." And, I guess in his defense, he was joking, and everyone laughed, including those to whom the comments were targeted (at the time.....my female cousin later asked her sister if she was "really big" right now, and I know my aunt's feelings were a bit wounded, as she is trying to lose weight), and it is the nature of my family to show affection by teasing and he is a really kind-hearted person....but STILL:)
• Same male cousin told us that he had to dispose of all his toiletries at the airport because he tried to carry on and didn't follow the rules. His plea for sympathy to the airport security, "But this is expensive Henri Bendel eye cream..." Um, again informed him, that the way to make friends or charm the under-paid airport security is not to cry that your toiletries are from Henri Bendel's 5th Avenue store. CHECK YOUR LUGGAGE IN or buy 3 ounce bottles, put them in the right size baggie. As ridiculous as the rules are....that's the deal.
• Male cousin on my dad's side who has a perverse sense of entitlement and ego actually apologized to one of my brothers - who in many ways is like the black sheep of the family, or at least the butt of many jokes despite his generous and good-natured heart - for a lie that my cousin told his wife about 3 years ago that made my cousin's wife act wickedly mean and bitchy to my brother for the past 3 years. This led to my brother and that cousin laughing throughout the night, and my cousin's wife treating my brother like her best friend. Again, left me a little befuddled. But still don't particularly like that cousin or his wife.
• Speaking of that male cousin, we also found out that his conversion to Born Again Christian about 3 years ago (I guess right after he told the lie about my brother) coincided with him coming home from a hockey game early to find his wife (same wife) in bed with his best friend. Alas, after she begged for forgiveness, they stayed together. I am a believer that infidelity doesn't have to be the end of things - but the hard thing is that usually infidelity is paired with other problems that cumulatively make it hard to keep going. In any event, in this case, as his wife offers little or nothing to the relationship (she married him for his money - he inherited money and a successful business from his mom's side of the family, who was the first wife of my uncle who then got married again, and the second time also ended in divorce after he took a fire truck on a joy ride (while drunk - he was a fireman) and ran into a woman's living room, and then started dating that woman. But I digress. She married him for his money adn told him, "If I don't have [such and such] by the time I am 32, I am leaving." Um, leaving her after she cheated would have been the better choice.
• Also found out that my youngest uncles on that side has had 3 affairs. One known by my sister for 5 years, but she kept the secret after running into him and the woman at breakfast one day.
• Ah, also found out another uncle, dad's side of family, also had an affair and had been sleeping in my grandparents' for the past month but is now back at home with wife and four kids. Actually, that is an instance where I do believe that infidelity is forgiveable and doesn't have to end their marriage.
• My parents (or, my mom would say, my dad) bought my 2 1/2 year old nephew too many gifts, including a miniature "hummer" that he could drive (it goes up to 5 miles per hour). The thanks my dad got? Being run over and pushed into a 3 foot snow pile with the hummer while my nephew drove in reverse. Classic.
• My parents gave each of their kids 3 or 4 gifts, my sister got a few more from her husband, and I gave each person in my family a small gift that I got from work (in addition to our gift exchange on Christmas Eve). My nephews Riley and Brady collectively got about 30 gifts each (see note above about "too many gifts"). Of course, Brady is a baby, so didn't open any....We thought Riley would open most of them for both of them. Um, no. He stopped after he came down the stairs and saw Scoop and Bob the Builder. No interest in the other gifts until after they were opened. We opened them for him. Took turns -- if it was from me, then my sister opened it so someone would be surprised. From my sister, her husband, or "Santa," I opened them. We took turns opening those from my parents or other family members. Interesting to note - it is still very very fun to open a gift even if it is not yours! We all agreed:)
• Found out my brother (the black-sheep) almost converted to Mormonism at the end of high school. Nothing wrong with that. Just funny if you know either of my brothers - who both would hide in the bushes rather than go into CCD or cathecism classes when we were growing up, neither of who are remotely religious (probably even less so than me - and i have strong disbeliefs in any church, though i guess they might possibly be spiritual), and who could never refrain from some of the many things (caffeine, alcohol, smoking) that the tenants of the religion ask its members to refrain from...not that all members do, but still....). But funny part was hearing my dad say, so non-chalantly - "Oh, that is when you were going to be a Mormon," and my brother respond, "Yeah," and then they go on talking like nothing funny was said. It might be one where you had to be there, but it was funny. Or maybe it was just funny to me since I have some strong opinions about joining different churches and/or religions.....to me, it warranted more of a conversation! But, as my dad correctly pointed out, "He was in high school. I thought, hell, if he wants to become Mormon, there are so many worse things he could want to become. He just wanted to join a church that all his friends - none of whom drank or smoke or had (too much) sex -- belonged to. It was a good thing." And that, including the parenthetical, is a direct quote:)
• Joined my sister at her in-laws Christmas celebration.....where she had cosmos that were made (we later found out) with cranberry juice that was five years old. No wonder it tasted like grapefuit juice!
• Lastly, I had confided in my sister about one of the most private of private things you can confide in someone. And she is a good secret keeper. A really good one. (See note about youngest uncle above). Did this last? No. At the Christmas celebration for her in-laws, explained above, we were at the dinner table with her husband, his dad and step dad, his sister and brother in law, and.....she blurts it out to everyone. So my biz (or, i should say, my husband's biz....if it didn't have to do with him, I might share, but it is really not that interesting)....public knowledge to her in-laws:) She is no longer allowed to have cosmos!!! Or at least cosmo's with five year old cranberry juice:)

So much more...but that is enough for now. It was a wonderful trip. I'll share pics when someone sends me some (in my fear that my flight would be cancelled, and the "logical" decision that the earlier i got to the airpor the less chance of cancellation there was, i forgot my camera).