Weekend Update

We had a great weekend. For Derek's 40th birthday, I had surprised him by taking him to see Stevie Wonder at the Apollo. It was hard to out-do that last year. For his 42nd birthday, thanks to Dave and Roxanne's presense (and fun!) and Lauren and Mike joining us, we had a great time. Dinner was awesome. They accomodated us so nicely. We had an extra person with us, and they made sure that they were able to give us the one table that could accomodate seven people. The food was delicious, the waiter knowledgable but not intrusive. They didn't rush us. The conversation was great, with lots of laughter and interesting thoughts. Just a couple pictures....








We saw SuperBad yesterday. It was okay. More sophmoric than I expected. Preferred Knocked Up as the "comedy of the season," but certainly laughed and could relate to awkward adolescent memories.

We had our first sonogram today. About 11 1/2 weeks along. Derek was freaking out because the baby was moving a lot (doing what appeared to be "high jumps" from one side of my uterus to the other) but wouldn't move into the position the doctor wanted to get a measurement of the neck and fluid by the neck. Derek was very worried that this was "abnormal." I had to have him do deep breaths and assure him it was no big deal. By the end, the baby flipped around and got in just the right position.




Oh, and the doctor and technician both confirmed it is a boy.

New Blog Theme?

I described the way morning sickness feels to my friend Brad as "The feeling you have after having one too many Jack and Coke's. And having that feeling last for three months." He said, finally, he understood.

He then asked, after I told him how hungry you get, how hungry can you really be? I explained, "Imagine knowing you were going to Peter Lugar's [excellent steak place] for dinner. And you had a late night poker game the night before [he is a gambling addict], then slept late and woke up late for your basketball tournament, so you rushed to it, played basketball all day, were late to get ready for dinner so rushed to do that, on your way to Peter Lugar's realized you hadn't eaten all day and are starving. And, you are salivating at the mouth for a medium-rare filet mignon. And then you get there, and you are pretty sure you can barely wait to sit down and have them at least put bread down on the table, and they tell you there is a 45-60 minute delay despite having reservations." And it is the hunger you feel in the 59th minute of waiting that equates to the hunger you feel throughout the day when pregnant. He said, finally, he understood.

So he has asked that I "create" a blog that explains pregnancy in "man's terms" as opposed to just layman's terms. He thinks I can have a following. I doubt it, but I said every now and then I would try to explain what the hell I feel so that thickheaded men like him may understand. He said his wife would one day be grateful.

Meanwhile, So You Think You Can Dance has come to a season end. I love that show. Sabra won. She is good. All four final four were good. But Sarah has my favorite throughout and I noticed that when the choreographer's each picked their favorite dance of the season, she was in the large majority. This clearly means I should have been a choreographer, not a lawyer. Clearly:)

Tomorrow is Derek's birthday. Our friends Dave and Roxanne are coming up from DC tonight, and we are going to dinner with Mike and Lauren to Blue Ribbon (check out www.blueribbonrestaurants.com). It is supposed to be some of the best food in NYC, and gets lots of rave reviews. Yum.

Moments

Our life changes in moments. We go through those moments unsuspecting, and were it not for 20-20 hindsight we wouldn't know their significance. But they accumulate. They snowball. They provide little bits of drama and emotion, and eventually insight. Insight into others, into ourselves, into how we fit in this world. Insight into what we want, and what we don't want.

There is the moment you witness your older sister take the blame for something you did, without even glancing your way. The moment you hear a "crack" that is your little brother's skull after you were supposed to catch him. The moment you see your dad and your grandfather fighting, both drunk. The moment you see your father crying, and the moment you see your mother crying, and the first moment you actually understand why the tears are coming. There is the moment you meet your best friend and think he is a huge dork. There is the moment you believe you are beautiful. There is the moment you laugh with the one group of girlfriends you have ever really felt tight with. The moment you accept that you get a long better with men than with women (generally) when it comes to friendships. The moment you realize that you should not beat yourself up over that. There is the moment you are dreaming of your big time crush, and he calls. The moment you realize you've made a mistake that you have to live with. The moment you realize all the potential inside of you. The moment you realize you have let someone down, and the moment that someone is yourself. The moment a friend lets you down. The moment you realize you have exceeded expectations. The moment you overhear someone say something nice about you. The moment when you overhear someone say something mean about you. The moment you overhear a friend say something mean about you. The moment you actually look at how long it is going to take to pay back your student loan debt. The moment you find a lump in your breast. The moment you find out someone you love, dearly, has died. The moment you get your first pay check from a full time job. The moment you decide to do things on your own. The moment a crowd cheers for you. The moment you get your dream job, and you are still left wanting more, or something else -- you aren't sure which.

Then there is the moment you walk into the bathroom after feeding your dogs and cleaning up the kitchen, because before you fed the dogs and cleaned the kitchen you peed on a little stick, and you see the "+" sign on the stick. There is that moment you find out you are pregnant for the first time.

And unlike many (but not all) of the other moments, your first thought, with a smile, is "Oh, sh**." A thought that is really more of a feeling, and a feeling that you feel so strongly that you inadvertantly say it outloud. And quite different from the "Oh, SH**" feeling you might have had at 18, 20, 24, or even 29. And your dogs look at you with a sideways cock of the head, maybe suspecting that this moment might impact them, too. And you figure you should call your husband and let him know the news. Which really shouldn't be a surprise as the two of you knew what you were doing, but is a surprise because neither of you quite believed it would result in this. And he is naked in a locker room next to a naked stanger, and he has the impulse to tell the stranger who is naked that his wife is pregnant, because he wants to tell someone the news face to face, but he refrains. Thank god.

And the moment doesn't really seem that significant, not for a while. Because life doesn't immediately change. You just know that it will. And you start anticipating the changes and the excitement -- something that clearly wasn't your focus the actual moment this whole chain of events was set into place.

And then it does change. And you hate your friends who are currently pregnant as well and who do not have the pleasure of experiencing "morning sickness," which really is a misnomer if there ever was one. And you have a moment where you realize that morning sickness feels uncannily similar to a 3-month long (if you are lucky) constant bad hangover. And you remember the long ago moment when you learned what a terrible hangover feels like, and the consequences you pay for drinking. But you run through every moment of your life and can remember no moment when someone told you that pregnancy might make you feel the same way. That would have been an important moment.

So you are getting through the days by counting down the weeks until this "hangover" should be disappearing....two, maybe three, maybe four weeks to go. And you just get through the days as gracefully as you can considering that you really feel nauseated every minute and then only thing that makes you feel better is eating and/or sleeping, but eating is an iffy thing even though you can't stop, and sleeping just isn't an option Monday-Friday, 8:30-6:30. Or so. And you remind yourself constantly not to complain, because hopefully there are no moments that break your heart after you survive these first few months. You know stories of such moments, and you know we are all vulnerable to those moments, and all you can do is hope that you never have such a moment that brings you insight that you really don't want. Because it could happen, and you know it, so you just have to roll with the punches. You are just a little over 10 weeks along in this 40 week - give or take, hopefully -- excursion. You just have to take what comes your way.

Meanwhile, you have moments that questions run through your mind. What does a girl who really detests baby showers and who has mostly male friends do when her mom and/or friend(s) want to plan her a baby shower? Does a baby really need brightly colored things (stroller, car seats, crib sheets), or is it okay to get the cute chocolate colored ones that I have seen? How am I going to carry my 110 pound thirteen year old dog (who is probably 14, if not soon to be 14) up the stairs to my condo when I am 8 months pregnant? (I will find a way - by the way - I owe him that much, at the very least). Is there really any way I can prevent my nose from getting bigger - like my sister's did - during this whole pregnancy thing (I know, I know....it goes back to normal afterwards...but still). Am I going to be a good mom? Will our child get Derek's playfulness or my seriousness? Will s/he get my wit or Derek's clown like humor? And how in the hell have women survived this "morning sickness" for so long with so few complaints??????? Please, someone answer me that.

All the while, you keep having other moments. The moment your close friends tell you they are moving to Canada. The moment you realize if you had to do it all over again, you would stay in dance class and try out for "So You Think You Can Dance" and then after your dancing career be a part time choreographer and a vet. The moment you stand up for yourself at work. The moment you hear your nephew make up a sweet little song about you. Yet another moment when someone with an ulterior motive exposes themselves. The moment when you realize how much in common you have with a neighbor. The moment you try to figure out why someone from work is surprised to see you at a party of a mutual work friend. The moment your husband admits he is wrong about something you are fighting about, and he is not admitting that just to appease you but he really gets it. The moment you decide to just live in the moment.

Work from Home

The universe gave me a gift today.

I have been having to emotionally psych myself up to get to work each day the past couple of weeks. Literally, coach myself to get myself up and out of bed and to work. Sounds depressing doesn't it? I guess it sort of is, but always once I get there life is different and rosier and I am happy enough to be there. I think I am just dealing with the reality of having to work every day. That is exhausting to me. I've been doing it for a while, of course, so not sure why I have hit this crisis now. But in any event, I've just been in this mode of dreaming of only working part time or working for myself or working from home. Something other than the the "9 to 5" grind, which as we all know is never just a 9 to 5 grind.

So thank you, NYC subway system, for failing us today. Thank you! I woke up late, sent my immediate supervisor an email letting her know that I would be a little late (like 15 minutes....I debated even sending the email since no one really cares if I am 15 minutes "late" or not...but anyway). Then I leave and put myself out on the hot humid hot humid humid hot humid street to walk to the subway....

And I notice. There are TONS of cars on the street. Tons. Does being 15 minutes later in my commute really expose me to a busier time for car traffic, I wonder? And, there is tons of foot traffic too. Going away from the subway stop I am walking towards. Hhhmm....I think this is a lively day in Brooklyn. But I don't think of much else, because I did not turn on the news or read the paper this morning.

Then I get to the subway, and I see a cop standing at the top of the steps and everyone walking away from the subway. "Did something happen to the subway?" I ask. "The rain." The rain. Does he mean the rain that came down in the torrential thunderstorm that happened between about 4am and 7am this morning? The lightning that lit up the sky and that my dogs were fairly certain was hitting our house, and the thunder that came along instantaneously with it...you mean, the rain that came with that lightning and thunder. You mean the rain that came with the lightning and thunder that made my little big dog Deuce alternate between hiding in the bathtub and hiding underneath our bed, and cry the entire time he was hiding....you mean that rain? "The rain?" I ask, wondering how this rain could impact the subway. He said the subway is flooded, and a transitor went out. "So you mean the B and the Q lines aren't running." "Yes, and the 2, the 3, the 4, the 5, the A, the C, the F are not running either." Oh, you mean every subway that is remotely close to me (as in every subway but one connecting Brooklyn to Manhattan) is not running. Wonderful!!!

So I tredge home. I call my supervisor, and agree to work from home. No big deal, people I work with do it all the time. I am drenched in sweat, b/c did I mention it is HOT. And so I am working from home, and it is WONDERFUL! I know most people walking home from the subway were taking it as a day to not work at all. I am not quite them, but happy enough just to be doing the work I am doing from home without the phone ringing...without anyone barging into my office....working in peace:)

The subways are probably running now. Or soon they will be. But I will be here. Happily making calls and reviewing documents from my own computer. Eating lunch with my husband and dogs. Taking breaks, including likely a nap on my sofa. Working from home will definitely be on my list of options I'd like with that perfect job that I will one day have in the future.