Bad Self Image Day

Many of my posts disappeared. I don't know where they went. I can't get them back. I wrote a long post, and then published it. It wasn't about anything important - just an attempt to re-invigorate my desire to blog. Then I posted it, then it and many other posts just disappeared. Such is life.

I had a slightly off day today. I wasn't upset, wasn't PMSing, wasn't frustrated. I was perfectly happy. But my clothes felt a bit weird - like I didn't coordinate the right outfit, not like they didn't fit. It also felt wintery when it was a fairly warm day. My shoes felt like I have been wearing them for a couple months too long. Actually, they are my favorite work shoes, and I did get them 2 1/2 years ago, and so I guess I have been wearing them for about 1 1/2 years too long, not just a couple months too long. I actually then expected to see that Nine West still offered the exact style when I looked on-line. I love them, and everyone compliments me on them. Of course, Nine West has moved on to other styles:) Anyway, back to my self image day. So my outfit wasn't coordinated right, my shoes felt too old, my hair wasn't quite doing what I wanted it to do. I went shopping at lunch to get this cute top that I saw in the window of BeBe last Friday. I met two former colleagues for lunch, saw the top on my way there, thought about buying it on the way back, but then was walking with my Jon and Brad and felt like it would be way too girly to stop and go shopping. So I didn't. And I thought I would go back and get the top this week. So today I did. Sure enough, BeBe just swept out all its old clothes and brought its new summer line in......This top was short sleeve, although a knit/crochet material, but I guess that doesn't fit "summer." Although it totally could. Anyway, I saw on the sale rack that they had ONE left. It was an extra-small. I am a lot of things. But I am not an extra-small.

But I tried it on anyway, because it looked like it might just fit. And it actually did. It actually looked cute! But I overanalyzed it, and thought it must not be fitting the way it was SUPPOSED to fit, because although I would expect to be a Medium, and would have thought small maybe if it was a really big cut, it just made no sense to buy an extra-small. Yes, this is the same woman who wrote a blog about how I have every size in my closet and as long as it fits, then I buy it and wear it. But today I was off, and feeling in a fashion funk, and so convinced myself not to buy this 1/2 off cute shirt that fit well. And it was the last one. It won't be there tomorrow.

Okay, so I am probably glamorizing it. Maybe it didn't fit perfectly. Maybe it is better that I didn't buy it. But damnit, I wish I did and wish that I could have tried it on again with my James Cured by Suen jeans and seen if I liked it. Especially b/c in the dressing room I thought, "My god, I want liposuction on my arms." And I convinced myself that I had tons of cellulite on my arms. In the dressing room. Then in the gym later and at home tonight I wondered what the hell was wrong with me, and couldn't find the cellulite. So clearly it was the lighting. (That's my story and I am sticking with it). I should have bought that fricking top.

I get this feeling every so often. Maybe twice a year. In fact, I had it back in September. Then I splurged and got some new clothes, and the feelign was cured. I am about to get my bonus, and I swore I would spend it reasonably and wisely and save a chunk of it. But I need a wardrobe update. I am simply tired tired tired of the clothes I have - the work clothes, and the clothes that I go out in. Except my James Cured by Suen jeans, which I l-o-v-e. I couldn't be happier with that investment:)

My sister and her husband and my oldest nephew, Reeves, are visiting this weekend. They get in really early Saturday morning (6 am!) and stay until Monday night. We have plans, and I am really looking forward to having them. This is Reeves' first trip to NYC. My sister and brother in law have visited twice before...once when I lived in Tribeca with 6 other people in a communal living situation, and once when Derek and I lived in the Bronx. We had a blast both times. (In the Bronx, it was for my sister's 31st birthday, and I had my Corporate Tax Law final the day after her birthday, and so I prepared by studying while Derek took them ice skating at Rockefeller Center and then had yaegermaester shots with my sister at SoHa Bar & lounge, and I got an A+ on what was definitely the hardest test I have ever taken since AP Physics my senior year of high school, and possibly physiological psychology during college, and was quite proud of myself b/c it proved that if you relax.....) Anyway, I am excited to have them. Maybe I will have some pictures next week.....