Random Thoughts

Apparently, those who "rate" blogs (like, G, PG, PG-13, R, X, XXX, etc.) rate my blog a G. A "G", despite having the word "hell" twice and "pissed" once. I don't really curse, and I would hardly consider "pissed" a curse even though I sometimes pause before saying it, so I was more surprised that either of those words appeared on my blog. Since I rarely post, I didn't think there was much to rate. But doesn't G seem a bit too kind. What movies are rated "G"? If you discuss adult topics, like work and marriage and dysfunctional families, shouldn't that qualify itself for PG? I don't know, but it just seems so.

I am angry. At my husband. Today, he had to teach a 6:45 a.m. class, and then had no other obligations. He was going to run a bit after his class, but that isn't really an "obligation." I had to leave for work at 6:45 (a bit earlier than normal) to get some things done, and then have an 8:00 a.m. meeting to prepare for a big mediation session today. We are involved in a litigation along with one of the teams, and the general counsel from the team flew in. I've spoke with him a number of times, but this would be our first in person meeting. Anyway, so I had the mediation all day -- all day. It was a big deal for a number of reasons. We didn't settle the case, but it was interesting nonetheless and productive on a number of different levels. I came straight home (the location of the mediation is closer to our house than my job), and though I got home a bit earlier than most days (about 6:15pm), I still had to get on the computer to catch up on the rest of my work day. The emails and phone calls that came into my desk while I wasn't there, so tomorrow wouldn't be crazy. I get home -- and I am wet because it is 100% humidity outside and starting to rain but still feels desperately hot -- and I am hungry because at the mediation I had two small bottles of water and the water fountain didn't work and 1 sandwich for lunch because we had no access to food and I couldn't pull out my apple or orange and eat in front of 4 other colleagues who had nothing, one of whom is 8 months pregnant, and because it is not easy to eat either type of fruit in a conference room while conversations are going on. So I am hungry and hot and wet and tired. And my freaking husband -- as soon as I walk in the door, he does NOT even say HI, does not ask "how are you?," does not ask about my day, does not smile at me, NOTHING. He says, "I am going to go to a Pilates class. I need to stretch."

Okay, first, Pilates doesn't "stretch you." It works on your core strength. I guess there is some MARGINAL stretching during some of the moves as well, but mat pilates does not "stretch you." He is the fitness instructor, shouldn't he know this? Second, you taught a class this morning, then ran, then had ALL DAY. Why are you going again to the gym as soon as I get home? Third (well, first), where was the "Hey," "Hi," "Hello,"...where was my welcome home????? So I ask, "Are the dogs taken care of?" Because I love walking them, but I am hot and hungry and tired and I want my suit off and I can't stand the thought of going back outside. But had he said hello or asked about my day, maybe I would have been willing to. But he didn't.

And I know. I came home to a cooked dinner and the laundry was done and the house was sort of cleaned up (but it was already cleaned up to begin with). And I appreciate these things. I do. I swear. But why not do laundry when I am home? I will split the chores. Why not work out the other 10 hours of the day while I was at work? Why not just walk the dogs or say you will take care of them later? Okay, he sometimes does that. But I wanted him to do it tonight.

So he huffed and puffed, and I did the same, and he fed the dogs (well, I fed Deuce, because he is scared of the rain and wouldn't eat so I had to hand feed him because he gets stomach aches if he doesn't eat twice a day) and then walked them. I noted that he still hadn't even said "Hi" to me before his walk. So he gets back and STILL doesn't say hi and then says he is going running and do I want to come. No, I don't want to go. Do I look like I want to go -- as I am in my pajamas and watching Jeopardy and wishing I had ice-cream? No. And he notes that he has to see an owner of a store that is by the gym anyway (he used to do business with him when he worked for his dad, and the store owner is still a client's of his father), as if to excuse why he is going running. DIDN'T YOU RUN THIS MORNING AFTER YOUR CLASS? (Class, by the way, meaning intense hard core spinning class.] That is what I wanted to say. But I didn't. I looked at him blankly. He asked "What's wrong? I have to see [the store owner] anyway." That is not the freaking point. Just say hello to me, be pleasant. Or maybe think about the fact that it might be nice to spend a few minutes of this Wednesday with me -- just a few -- before you head back out. Or acknowledge that you are addicted to the gym. Or maybe you aren't. But today, today I think you are.

Guaranteed, he is going to get home later and I am going to be ready to fall asleep and he will be ready to apologize and want to talk. Sometimes, honestly, I want to smack him. And if he doesn't bring me home ice-cream from the store he has to visit anyway (which has the best organic ice cream...i forget the brand), I really will smack him. Of course, I have not told him I want ice cream nor will I call and tell him, but still. He should just know.

But on another note, he did all our laundry, put the dishes away, cleaned up the house, and walked the dogs. Thanks:) And sometimes, he does know what I want when I don't say it. Sometimes.

Really, on another totally different note -- I finished The History of Love by Nicole Kraus. Excellent. I loved the book. Interesting, told in the voices of a few different people. The narrative captured the difference in age, perspective, gender, and mental health of each. The style was creative and unique, and the emotions and loss and heartache and humor so relatable. And the story line really wove together nicely. I'd recommend it.

Tomorrow is Thursday. That is good....so close to Friday. We have a birthday party and an wedding engagement party at work. So the day is broken up, which makes Friday come that much sooner. And the weather is supposed to be a little less hot after the thunderstorms.....which, will be nothing less than a relief. Have I ever mentioned that I fully understand why the crime rate escalates during the summer and/or heat waves? If not, then let me admit. I understand. See paragraphs above if any explanation is needed.

Oh, and our trip to Colorado was nice. Wasn't the best vacation ever, wasn't the worst. But it was good. More on that another day.....